


How Do You Spell Subtle?

by NyxErchomai



Series: Can We Keep Him? [3]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Drabble, F/M, Ficlet, M/M, One Shot, Open Relationships, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-21
Updated: 2013-10-21
Packaged: 2017-12-30 01:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1012273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NyxErchomai/pseuds/NyxErchomai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coulson has a few things to say about the arrangement between some of his team members.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Do You Spell Subtle?

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by glowcloudforprez on tumblr. THANKS FOR ENLIGHTENING ME.

When Coulson summons them to the Bus lounge, it takes approximately 3 seconds for most of them (sans Fitz) to realise that it isn’t a meeting, it’s an interrogation. Coulson has his game face on, frowny and weirdly similar to his normal face. There are cookies on the table. Fitz sits and reaches for one, but Simmons smacks his hand away.

“What’s going on, Coulson?” Ward asks, and he’s got his game face on too, and he crosses his arms defensively. Simmons tries not to roll her eyes. There’s enough testosterone in this room to drown her.

Coulson gestures silently for them all to sit, and they do, Ward ensuring that there is a decent amount of space between him and the scientists. Coulson eyes the inches between them shrewdly, as if what isn’t there is telling him everything he needs to know.

Fitz seems confused, fidgeting in the silence following Ward’s question. He reaches for a cookie again, and this time Ward reaches over to smack him. He does it unthinkingly, leaning right across Simmons to tell Fitz off, and he can tell by the way Simmons is frozen that he’s made a mistake.

Sure enough, as he eases back into his seat, Coulson is looking quietly smug. Ward sighs.

That’s when Fitz catches on. He makes a strangled noise and, as Simmons and Ward inwardly brace themselves, cracks and crumbles.

“Oh my god, Coulson, it’s not – it’s not what you think! We’re – this – it’s complicated. We’re all consenting, so don’t-”

Calmly, Simmons leans over and places her hand over Fitz’s mouth. The Scot’s eyes are wide with horror, and Ward feels like he might vomit; in that moment, he’s grateful that Fitz helped him perfect his poker face.

Simmons seems to be the only one who isn’t freaking out. She pats Fitz’s cheek when she pulls her hand away, and takes a deep breath.

“Care to explain what this is all about?” she asks, as if Fitz breaking never happened.

Coulson is still frowning. “I am not a stupid man,” he begins. “When my employees are having sex, I notice. It’s my job. So don’t think that the knowledge of your … arrangement was a surprise to me.”

Ward’s eyebrows arch in surprise. “You knew?”

“For God’s sake, Ward, you’re about a subtle as an elephant blundering through a forest!” Coulson exclaims. “And Fitz? Fitz still thinks Skye’s eyes are on her chest, do you really think I wouldn’t notice him mentally undressing you every time you two interact?”

Simmons stifles a laugh, but Coulson isn’t finished. “And Simmons, next time you sexually accost a member of this team, don’t do it under security cameras. And, while we’re on the subject, if I have to erase data off of the lab’s cameras once more because none of you are capable of keeping it in your pants, I’ll throw you out of the damn Bus.”

Fitz coughs and splutters, rasping something along the lines of _oh my god you saw that?_ and Simmons asks tentatively, “So…you aren’t going to make us stop?”

Phil looks uncomfortable. “Strictly speaking, I should. It’s unprofessional. But it hasn’t affected your work and it’s made you a more … cohesive unit. All I’m saying is keep it away from the cameras. Headquarters has access to that, and I don’t think you want that kind of attention brought down on you. Fury would have a field day.”

“Understood, sir,” Ward says, standing.

Coulson frowns, “I’m not finished, Ward!”

Ward sits abruptly, swallowing heavily. Simmons tries not to giggle.

“If this – in any way – begins to hinder your work or interfere with the team, I _will_ put a stop to it,” Coulson warns. “One or more of you will be off this team without a word, non-negotiable. Is that understood?”

All three mutter their agreement, and Coulson nods primly. “Right, well, that’s all so…go back to work. Your _actual_ work.”


End file.
